As the medicine fails
The hatred grows
I scream an everlasting scream
As the doctors
I inflict the pain on my body that my mind tells me I deserve
The fear bubbles to the surface
As the Disease wraps its hands around my throat
As it proclaims my failures
Drags me to the ground to spew
Into my screaming mouth.
The sewage of this disease’s words
Are the truth
The only truth I can know
I accept them with a
That is a reflection of its gaping maw.
Speaks to me
I am a burden
I am detestable
That all those who look at me see only
A millstone tied around their necks
I scream that it is a lie
But I don’t believe my screams
I don’t believe the words of those around me who speak
This disease is the holder of the truth
The fruit of the tree of knowledge
The keeper of my soul,
That it poses in
To the unending laughter
Of the hatred that dwells within.
I know this disease lies to me
I know it very well
But it is telling me the truth my mind wants to hear.
I want someone to hate me
Someone to yell at me
Someone to give me a dirty look
So my self hatred is shown to be an objective truth
So I can happily feast on the bullshit this disease feeding me
While I smile
wait for this disease to be silent.