Drinking Mercury, Auto-Fellatio

Sometimes I feel
Like
Writing
All of this shit
Is like drinking
Mercury
To cure a cancer
That is eating a
Hole in my body.

I write
But
The words
Bring me no joy
Or
Satisfaction

Sometimes
The words
Mean nothing
To me
Nothing at all

I guess that’s
Why I love
The idea
Of
Death of the author

I don’t know
All I know
Is
That
This poem has
No direction
Maybe
No purpose
Maybe
I’m just
Pissing in the wind

But maybe
The reader
Can get something out
Of this
Shit
This
Jangled mess

Maybe I can too
Maybe
This
Will fill
The hole
I see
Everyday

The hole
That I’m
Desperately
Trying to fill

I know that’s
Wishful thinking

The hole
Can never
Be filled

The hole
Just sits there
Empty

Empty
As the day
I first
Saw it
And
Nothing I do
Will change that

So
I guess
All of this is in vain
Or
Maybe
Something worse
Maybe
These words are
Self aggrandizing
Masturbatory
Catharsis seeking
Bullshit

But fuck it
Fuck it all
It doesn’t matter
None of this does
Not one word
Not one syllable
Not one letter
Matters at all

So
Fuck you
For reading this

Fuck me
For writing this
Egomaniacal
Cathartic
Bullshit

It’s all useless
It’s all meaningless
But
I’ll keep writing anyways
As I suck on
Dry tobacco
Because you’ll keep reading it
For some
Ungodly
Self fellating
Circle jerking
Reason

You’ll just
Read this
Shit
Until
It ends
Won’t you?

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